Do you know the feelings when you thought you have moved on a few inches but you actually made it so far that you don't realize yourself?
2015 was a moment I thought I can conquer. Few months ago, I thought my life was doomed by failure when I got lost in a local short film competition. It started out like this:
My whole year of 2015 was devotedly dedicated for my real short film debut, Antara Pensel dan Jawapan (considering 50 Lorek Mawar Merah as only an assessment). I put all my heart in it - financially and emotionally. Living up to a number of expectations, I thought that short film can be a hit that year. After the post-production, I received a number of compliments by peers and even lecturers. A month later, I showcased Antara Pensel dan Jawapan for the first time during my degree thesis seminar. I feel encouraged even more when the panels showed positive response towards it. I put on high hopes, wanting a shared love as unconditional as mine - an award. Out of 14, I got 8 nominations. Little did I know, I won nothing.
That was the moment I thought I want to give up filmmaking. I'm not a filmmaker material. Film was supposed to be either award-winning or high grossing. Mine? None of that fits. People like it, they don't embrace it. I had hard times. I tried working part time at my former internship company and even act in my friend's theatre showcase. It was fun, until something stumble upon my humble mind --- sampai bila? I have this one habit where I would cluelessly refresh the explore tab at instagram. Suddenly, a purple ads pops upon my eyes. There's a company that needs an intern! Apparently, the company runs independent contents, primarily on music and local scenes. Then I thought, why not running away from commercials, tv stations and drama productions right? Roughly around two weeks after I went to the interview, I got in. At first, I thought my task was gonna be highlight covers or initiate new contents, until my boss told me that I have to write and direct their first ever mini series. Wait, what?! Well, I only said that figuratively. Not on his face. I'm cool by the way.
I thought I had moved on from film, but I actually moved few inches away. Film made its way back to me. I feel....... persuaded, in many ways. Before I realize, I have changed into someone I never thought I would be. I learned how to cope with the fear of driving in Subang especially, but most busy places. I learned how to work with new people. I learned how to manage my time. And that one time I spontaneously send in my resume, as an intern, at a very remote area (at least for me)... I actually made friends.
2015 was not a moment. It was a phase.